A right pain in the arse

2 Dec

So this is an idea that one of Steve’s clients had, because I have some news and I have many friends who are going to want to know what is going on with this news and it might help me get through it all.

So here goes… Some of you will be aware of my news, those who aren’t I’m sorry but I’m probably about to make you cry, but please don’t be sad, it’s going to be ok.

As many of you ladies who have had kids and some who haven’t will be aware a common thing you get when pregnant or have given birth is a wonderful dose of piles (ah the wonder of child rearing!). When I went for my post birth 8 week check up I mentioned this to my wonderful GP and she gave me medicine and a follow up. When things hadn’t cleared up she sent me for an endoscopy and that’s where things start to get sad. It turns out it wasn’t post preggo piles, it was a growth. So I went for an MRI and a CT scan and last week I found out I have anal cancer. The least glamorous of all lady cancers and so I am calling it arse cancer because it really is a bunch of arse.

My lovely friend Sarah recommended giving the tumour a name and I’ve decided to go for Farage, because well you know why…

So yesterday I saw the very smashing Dr Andrew Gaya at Guy’s and we have a plan in place to beat this bastard and beat it we shall because I have a wonderful husband, a fuzzy bonce Hurley dog and a beautiful 15 week old son, Joe and I plan to be around for all 3 for a very long time.

The treatment plan is to blast Farage with radiotherapy which will be boosted by some chemotherapy and the treatment is likely to start between Christmas and New Year for 6 weeks. The success rate is 90-95%, I like these odds, whilst I was being tested I was very afraid that I was going to die and I am almost certainly NOT! So for this we must be thankful and all be very glad of baby Joe because I might not have been as on it and neither might my GP if it wasn’t for his arrival.

Some facts about this…

  1. I am probably not going to lose my massive mane of hair.
  2. I have to stop breastfeeding my baby
  3. I am not going to be able to have any more babies, please don’t tell me “hey you never know” because I do know and it’s a hard thing to know and pretending otherwise won’t help
  4. I am going to start going through the menopause so I’ll be your go to girl when it starts happening to you I can help.
  5. I am going to have a very tough few months and am going to need love and practical and emotional support
  6. Sheppy is also going to have a tough few months and will need the same, plus taking out for pints, sadly I’ll be in no state for being taken out for pints.
  7. The likely cause of this is the HPV virus, which girls are being vaccinated for now so within a couple of generations this doesn’t have to happen to anyone anymore, please remember what has happened to me when deciding whether to get your daughter vaccinated.
  8. I am going to kick the arse of this pain in the arse – just watch me.

I don’t know if I am going to do a regular blog about this, I think I’d like so as it’s an easy way to let lots of people know what is going on and also is a good outlet for me to express myself.

I want to say a huge thank you to my family and friends for all their support so far, especially my big sister Marie who has been on hand for hospital tests, babysitting and the odd medicinal gin and tonic. And I want to thank you now for taking the time to read this and for being my friends.





6 Responses to “A right pain in the arse”

  1. Simon Harris December 2, 2015 at 2:27 pm #

    I reckon you’ll be right for the time of our maze adventure. But don’t think about that now, anyway If you stop breast feeding you can get pissed! little silver lining their 🙂 wishing you all the positive vibes in the universe xx

  2. Lee 'Swampy' Kelly December 4, 2015 at 9:25 pm #

    Give Farage a good kicking for me Claire. Lee xx

  3. Colin butcher December 5, 2015 at 2:23 pm #

    You darn well will kick this pain in the arse, f*ck off farage.! Love you loads Claire S. Cx

  4. Pam Tebbutt December 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm #

    Sending love and all positive thoughts , hope you will keep this blog going till Farage is no more. Love you Claire. Xxx

  5. Liz o'sullivan December 23, 2015 at 7:12 pm #

    Hey Claire.
    I’m so shocked to hear this news.
    PLeased to hear you plan to kick farage from any more brown nosing!
    Although we’ve never met Claire, I get your vibes.
    Steve, Hurley and little joe need you and so do your friends family and work collegues.
    Keep up the blog and don’t forget to sing!!
    Thinking of you..
    Much love,

  6. JONATHAN FIRTH December 23, 2015 at 7:30 pm #

    Jon and Karen send lots of love & positive thoughts from up North. Karen can personally help with menopause symptoms if needed! xxx

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